#1 rainbow after rain

 this is it. my first time ever writing in my new public diary.

i honestly don't know where to begin.. there have been so many (negative) thoughts in my mind lately and this usually isn't me. i just feel so let down by society. after going through a long process of trying to get disability allowance i got judged and told to ''just get a job'' because ''i'm too young to be disabled''. even though i'm chronically ill to the point i ended up in the hospital almost dying, i have autism and ptsd and a bunch of other health issues at the young age of 25 already.. people, even doctors, don't seem to believe it's possible for me to be disabled because of my age. it's honestly so exhausting and i'm so tired of having to constantly stand up for myself. the fact that even with my official diagnosis and all my medical documents, i still had to go visit a government doctor to ''make sure i'm actually disabled'' feels so offensive to me.. i cried the whole way home because i'm just so done with everything. even with everything i have going on, i've still tried getting a job which i lost because of being sick too often and i'm trying so hard to get an income through art and video editing commissions, opening a webshop, streaming.. but it's not enough to live off and idk if it ever will be. the future is so scary.. especially since freelance artists rely so much on twitter and other social platforms and we're not sure what's gonna happen with those..

i've been feeling so overwhelmed lately, but what happened yesterday just got me to my breaking point. i've also been struggling with commissions and feel like giving up, but i just can't because what other options do i have?

i'm just hoping the rainbow after rain will be here soon.